FACEBOOK JOKES- MAST JOKU

Munna: Ae Circuit.. ye Dr. log opration
se pehle patient ko behosh kyun karte
hai..? ?
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Circuit: Bhai ! ..
Bole to patient opration sikh gaya to Dr.
Logo ki to wat lag jayegi na....

Hame dekh k chehra ghuma lete hai,
mere naam pe najre fira lete hai,
par ek bat pe na chale jor unka,
krte hai baatein gairo ki,
lekin kasme mere nam ki kha lete hai..

Husband to Wife:"Apna Munna yahi se baharaayega, hai na?
Wife muskurate hue:"Haan lekin tum jhankomat,abhi nazar nahi aayega, bohut chotachhed hai.
"Husband: "Yaar, fir bhi dekhne dena."Husband ne chhed me se jhanka parkuchnazar nahi aaya.
Thodi der baad School ki ghanti bajtihai,Munna bahar aata hai, aur husbandwifeMunna ko le kar ghar chale jate hai...

Moral: Chhed darwaze me tha,lekin aapki soch ko 21 Topon kiSalami....

Girl:Fridy 1st show ke
BALCONY k Crner k 2 ticket
book kar lena
:
:
:
:
Boy : CORNER
ticket na mile to
:
:
Girl :To
movie dekh lenge  

Santa student: Miss, kya aap mujhe raat ko
call kar rahi thi??
Teacher: Nahi toh...
Santa: Kamaal hai, subah mere mobile pe
likha tha...
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MISS CALL.. 

 ...........................................................................

Machchhar Ka Bachcha Paheli Baar Uda. Jab
Wapis Aaya To Baap Ne Pucha,Kaisa Laga?
Machchhar-Bahut Achchha,Jaha B Gaya Log
TALIYA Baja Rahe the 

Ek shadi me ek ladka 1 ladki
ko
bahut dhyan se dekh rha
tha ....
Girl : -- impress hokar --
kyo dekh rhe ho itni der de - .
.
.
.
Boy-- I was thinking agar aap
meri mummy hoti to,
.
.
.
.
.
mai bhi kitna sundar hota 

Boy: tu dharti pe chahe jaha v rahegi tujhe tere
khusbu se pehchan lunga
Girl: kasam se mere ko pehle se hi malum tha
sala tu 1 no.ka "Kutta" hai 

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Latest Birthday SMS

Har din se pyaara lagta hai hamein yeh khaas din,


Jisse bitaana nahin chaahte hum aap bin.


Vaise toh dil deta hai sadaa hi dua aapko,


Phir bhi kehte hain mubarak ho aapko yeh janamdin…

Tumhari is ada pe kya jawab du,

Apne yaar ko kya tohfa du.


Koi acha sa phool hota to mangvata mali se,


Jo khud gulab hai usko kya gulab du.

Janmdin Mubaraq Ho.

Yeh din yeh mahina yeh tareekh jab jab aayi,

Hum ne kitne pyar se janam din ki mehfil sajaayi,

Har shamaa par naam likh diya dosti ka,


Iss ki roshni mein chand jaisi teri surat hai samaayi.


Janmdin Mubaraq!

Bahut door hai tumse, par dil tumahre pass hai.

Jism pada hai yaha, par rooh tumahre pass hai.


Janamdin hai tumhara, par jashan humare pass hai.


Juda hai ek-dusre se hum, par fir bhi tum humare pass ho aur hum 

tumhare pass hai. 

Ho puri dil ki har khwahish aapki,

Aur mile khushiyon ka jahan aapko,


Jab agar aap mange aasma ka ek tara,


To bhagwan dede sara aasma aapko.


*Happy Birth Day*

Dua karte hain hum sar jhuka ke,

Aap apni manzil ko paye.

Agar aapki rahon me kabhi andhera aaye,

To roshni ke liye khuda humko jalaye…

              Phool khilte rahein zindgi ki raah mein,

Hansi chamakti rahe aapki nigaah mein.

Kadam kadam par mile khushi ki bahar aapko,

Dil deta hai yehi dua baar-baar aapko.

*Janm Din Ki Hardik Shubh Kaamnaayein*

Yahi dua karta hu khuda se,

Aapki zindigi mein koi Gam na ho,

Janamdin per mile hazaro khusiyan,

Chahe unme shaamil hum na ho.

Aa teri Umar mein likh du chand sitaaro se
Tera janam din mein manau phoalo se bahaaro se
har ek khubsurti duniya se mein le aau
Sajaau yeh mehfil mein har haseen nazaaro se…
`


Tohfa-e-dil de du ya de du chand taare


Janam din pe tujhe kya du yeh puche mujh se saare


Zindagi tere naam kar du bhi toh kam hai

Daaman mein bhar du har pal khushi ka mein tumhare…
`



Phoolon ki sugandh se sugandhit ho jeevan tumhara


Taron ki chamak se sammilit ho jeevan tumhara


Umr aapki ho suraj jaisi


Yaad rakhe jise hamesha duniya


Janmdin mein aap mehfil sajayein aap aisi


Subh din ye aaye aapke jevan mein hazaar baar


Aur hum aapko “anmdin Mubarak” kehte rahein har baar..

Latest 2014 Non Veg sms

Difference between good girls and bad girls
Good girls open few buttons in hot atmosphere,
But bad girls open all buttons to make the atmosphere hot.

A couple in train
Girl- my hand is paining,
Boy kisses the hand,
Girl- my neck is paining,
Boy kisses the neck,
An old man asks boy,
Son, do u also treat piles.

At 18 a lady is like football
22 men behind her.
At 28 basket ball.
10 men behind her,
At 38 golf ball.
1 man behind her,
At 48 table tennis ball,
1 man pushing her to another.

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password

 for their computer. The husband puts,

 "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing 

because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Free Sms Alert- Mast Joku

SUBSCRIBE TO LIVE CRICKET SCORE

 ALERT SERVICE.

LATEST GOVERNMENT JOBS, NEWS,  SMS JOKS, ADVICE SMS, LOVE SMS, FRIEND SMS GOOD THOUGHT MOTIVATION SMS

LARGEST COLLECTION OF FUNNY SMS JOKES FOR YOU TO TAXT MESSAGE ON YOURM OBILE..

New Service to Daily get the Updated 

Msgs on your Mobile & (LIVE CRICKET SCORE)

To use this Service
कोई एसएमएस सेवा 4 नियम पूरा किये बिना एक्टिव नही होगा !!!!

(1)  SMS CRI SEND +918574134140 AND RECEICE LIVE SCORE.

(2)  SMS OTHER SEND +918574134140 Receive daily Updated Msgs.

(3)  APKO FACEBOOK PAGE LIKE KRNA HOGA.

PAGE LINK

https://www.facebook.com/deven15august1947?ref=hl

https://www.facebook.com/mastjoku?ref=hl

(4)  APKO APNA NAME OR PLACE TYPE KRKE ADMIN KO MESSAGE KRNA HOGA..

FACEBOOK PE ADMIN KO  SMS MILNE K 24 HOUR ME SMS ACTIVATE HOGA..  Thanks!!!!!

कोई एसएमएस सेवा 4 नियम पूरा किये बिना एक्टिव नही होगा !!!!

हम आपको और भी सेवा फ्री मे दे रहे है-

LATEST GOVERNMENT JOBS, NEWS,  SMS JOKS, ADVICE SMS, LOVE SMS, FRIEND SMS GOOD THOUGHT MOTIVATION SMS

LARGEST COLLECTION OF FUNNY SMS JOKES FOR YOU TO TAXT MESSAGE ON YOURM OBILE..

हम आपको एसएमएस सेवा देने के लिये बाध्य नही है, ये कभी भी बंद की जा स्क्ती है॥ 

Funny Picture

 

Girl: Paros wali Aunty mujhe bohat tang karti theen..
Jab b kisi ki Shadi hoti wo mere gaal kheenchk kehti
“AB TUMHARI BARI HAI”
Phir maine un ki ye aadat khatam karwa di.
Friend: Kaise ?
Girl: Jab koi Mar jata tou main un k Gaal kheench k kehti..
“AB AAP KI BARI HAI”

 

Arz Hai..
Kapde Silvane Ho To Dhund Lo Darji..
Wah Wah..
Ershad-Ershad..
Ki Kapde Silvane Ho To Dhund Lo Darji..
aur
Nangu pungu Ghumna Ho To, Aapki Marji!

 

Santa: Y is reading a Playboy mag
like reading National Geographic?
Banta : Coz in both u'll get to see
a lot of gr8 places, which u'll
never get to visit.

 

A hair cutting saloon was
shifted from grnd floor to
1st flr. A board was put by
him saying "Neeche ke baal
katnewale ki dukan upar hai"

 

A Guy picks up a girl 4
the date, Why are u wearing
ur belt around ur knee.?
Girl: I promised my mom that
I wouldn't let you touch me
below my belt.

 

 

Man quits smoking bcoz of will power.
Man quits drinking bcoz of will power.
Man quits womansing bcoz he has will
but no power!

 

Man quits smoking bcoz of will power.
Man quits drinking bcoz of will power.
Man quits womansing bcoz he has will
but no power!

 

Good Day Sms

In A Day When You Don't
Come Across Any Problems...!!
Then You Can Be Sure That You
Are Traveling In A Wrong Path...!!
Have A Nice Day

Life is a one way road where you can see back;
But you can never go back. So don't miss anything. Enjoy every 

second of life!
Have a nice day!

The mist turns to light, Morning takes over the night.

 Another beautiful day dawning,

 it's time to wish you a very Good Morning! 

Patience with family is Love;
Patience with others is Respect;
Patience with self is Confidence;
And patience with God is Faith.
May God give you a lot of patience!
Good day!

The best cosmetics in life:
Truth for lips;
Pity for eyes;
Charity for hands;
Smile for face;
And Love for heart.
Use them every day to make life Beautiful.
Good day!

Power and wealth are the fruits of life; but family and friends

 are the roots of our life. One can manage without the fruit but

 never without the root!
Have A Nice Day! 

Time is an asset to be managed more carefully then money.

Try to spend it with the people who wish to share your dreams, 

desires and destiny!
Wish you a fruitful day! Good day! 

Good Thoughts

Quote 1: Great dreams of great dreamers are always transcended.

In Hindi : महान सपने देखने वालों के महान सपने हमेशा पूरे होते हैं.

अब्दुल कलाम  Abdul Kalam

Quote 2: You have to dream before your dreams can come true.

In Hindi :  इससे पहले कि सपने सच हों आपको सपने देखने होंगे .

अब्दुल कलाम  Abdul Kalam

Quote 3 :Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.

In Hindi : किसी  वृक्ष  को  काटने  के  लिए  आप  मुझे  छ:  घंटे  दीजिये  और  मैं  पहले  चार  घंटे  कुल्हाड़ी  की  धार  तेज  करने  में  लगाऊंगा .

Abraham Lincoln अब्राहम लिंकन

Quote 4:Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.

In Hindi : साधारण  दिखने  वाले  लोग  ही  दुनिया  के  सबसे  अच्छे  लोग  होते  हैं : यही  वजह  है  कि  भगवान  ऐसे  बहुत  से  लोगों का निर्माण करते हैं.

Abraham Lincoln अब्राहम लिंकन

Quote 5:  A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.

In Hindi : जिस व्यक्ति ने कभी गलती नहीं कि उसने कभी कुछ नया करने की कोशिश नहीं की.

Albert Einstein अल्बर्ट आइंस्टीन

Quote 6: Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.

In Hindi : उत्कृष्टता वो कला है जो प्रशिक्षण और आदत से आती है.हम इस लिए सही कार्य नहीं करते कि हमारे अन्दर अच्छाई या उत्कृष्टता है , बल्कि वो हमारे अन्दर इसलिए हैं क्योंकि हमने सही कार्य किया है.हम वो हैं जो हम बार बार करते हैं.इसलिए उत्कृष्टता कोई कार्य नहीं बल्कि एक आदत है.

Aristotle अरस्तु

Quote 7: Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.

In Hindi : सफलता  एक घटिया  शिक्षक  है . यह  लोगों  में  यह  सोच  विकसित  कर  देता  है  कि  वो  असफल  नहीं  हो सकते  .

Bill Gates बिल गेट्स

Quote 8: Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn.

In Hindi :  अज्ञानी होना उतनी शर्म की  बात नहीं है जितना कि सीखने की इच्छा ना रखना.

Benjamin Franklin  बेंजामिन  फ्रैंकलिन

Quote 9: By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.

In Hindi :  तैयारी  करने में फेल होने का अर्थ है फेल होने के लिए तैयारी करना.

Benjamin Franklin  बेंजामिन  फ्रैंकलिन

Quote 10: Diligence is the mother of good luck.

In Hindi : परिश्रम सौभाग्य की जननी है.

 Benjamin Franklin  बेंजामिन  फ्रैंकलिन

Quote 11: He that can have patience can have what he will.

In Hindi :  जिसके पास धैर्य है वह जो चाहे वो पा सकता है.

   Benjamin Franklin  बेंजामिन  फ्रैंकलिन

Quote 12: Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions – Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead.

In Hindi : कोई काम शुरू करने से पहले, स्वयम से तीन प्रश्न कीजिये – मैं ये क्यों कर रहा हूँ, इसके परिणाम क्या हो सकते हैं और क्या मैं सफल होऊंगा. और जब गहरई से सोचने पर इन प्रश्नों के संतोषजनक उत्तर मिल जायें,तभी आगे बढें

 Chanakya चाणक्य

Quote 13: A man is born alone and dies alone; and he experiences the good and bad consequences of his karma alone; and he goes alone to hell or the Supreme abode.

In Hindi : व्यक्ति अकेले पैदा होता है और अकेले मर जाता है;और वो अपने अच्छे और बुरे कर्मों का फल खुद ही भुगतता है; और वह अकेले ही नर्क या स्वर्ग जाता है.

 Chanakya चाणक्य

Quote 14: As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it.

In Hindi : जैसे ही भय आपके करीब आये , उसपर आक्रमण कर उसे नष्ट कर दीजिये.

 Chanakya चाणक्य

Quote 15: A man is great by deeds, not by birth.

In Hindi : कोई व्यक्ति अपने कार्यों से महान होता है, अपने जन्म से नहीं.

 Chanakya चाणक्य

Quote 16: We should not fret for what is past, nor should we be anxious about the future; men of discernment deal only with the present moment.

In Hindi :हमें भूत के बारे में पछतावा नहीं करना चाहिए, ना ही भविष्य के बारे में चिंतित होना चाहिए ; विवेकवान व्यक्ति हमेशा वर्तमान में जीते हैं.

 Chanakya चाणक्य

Quote 17: Once you start a working on something, don’t be afraid of failure and don’t abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest.

In Hindi : जब आप किसी काम की शुरुआत करें , तो असफलता से मत डरें और उस काम को ना छोड़ें. जो लोग इमानदारी से काम करते हैं वो सबसे प्रसन्न होते हैं.

 Chanakya चाणक्य

Quote 18: The one excellent thing that can be learned from a lion is that whatever a man intends doing should be done by him with a whole-hearted and strenuous effort.

In Hindi :एक उत्कृष्ट बात जो शेर से सीखी जा सकती है वो ये है कि व्यक्ति जो कुछ भी करना चाहता है उसे पूरे दिल और ज़ोरदार प्रयास के साथ करे.

 Chanakya चाणक्य

Quote 19: The wise man should restrain his senses like the crane and accomplish his purpose with due knowledge of his place, time and ability.

In Hindi :सारस की तरह एक बुद्धिमान व्यक्ति को अपनी इन्द्रियों पर नियंत्रण रखना चाहिए और अपने उद्देश्य को स्थान की जानकारी, समय और योग्यता के अनुसार प्राप्त करना चाहिए.

 Chanakya चाणक्य

Quote 20 : A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.

In Hindi :एक श्रेष्ठ व्यक्ति कथनी में कम ,करनी में ज्यादा होता है.

Confucius

Mast Joke

बंता: आप एक मैसेज दो-दो बार क्यों भेजते हो?
संता: कर दी न पागलों वाली बात, ओये एक तू रख लिया कर और एक 

आगे भेज दिया कर।
बंता: तब तो आप तीन बार मैसेज किया करो।
संता: वो क्यों?
बंता: एक डिलीट भी तो करना होता है!

अध्यापक: नेता जी, आपका बेटा फेल हो गया है और आप लड्डू खिला रहे हो?
नेता जी: 70 लड़कों की क्लास में 60 फेल हैं, बहुमत तो मेरे बेटे के साथ है। 

संता को जब डॉक्टर बेहोशी का इंजेक्शन देने लगे तो वह बोला, "

एक मिनट डॉक्टर साहब।"
डॉक्टर फौरन रुक गया।
संता ने अपनी पॉकेट से पर्स निकाला।
यह देखकर डॉक्टर बोले, "अरे भाई, फीस की कोई जल्दी नहीं है"।
संता: फीस की मुझे भी जल्दी नहीं है, मैं तो अपने पैसे गिन रहा हूँ। 

कभी-कभी मेरे दिल में ये ख्याल आता है;
ये ज़िन्दगी अगर तेरी ज़ुल्फ़ों की घनी छाँव में गुज़र जाती तो...
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'होम लोन' लेने की ज़रूरत ही न पड़ती! 

एक मासूम सी बीवी थी।
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भैया, जोक तो ऊपर ही था। वहीं हंस लेते, इतने नीचे काहे चले आए? 

स्कूल और गर्ल्स कॉलेज में अंतर क्या हैं ?
अंतर: स्कूल के बाहर "गाड़ी धीरे चलायें" का बोर्ड लगा होता हैं, 

जबकि गर्ल्स कोलेज के सामने नहीं लगता 

क्योंकि अच्छी-अच्छी गाड़ियां भी गर्ल्स कॉलेज के सामने धीरे होकर निकलती हैं।

लड़की डॉक्टर से: कृप्या मेरे पति को अंदर बुला लीजिए।
डॉक्टर: घबराओ नहीं, मैं एक शरीफ आदमी हूँ।
लड़की: आप समझे नहीं, बाहर आपकी नर्स अकेली है। इसीलिए। 

Friendship Sms

Karoge yaad ek din dosti k zamane ko,
hum chale jaynge ek din wapis na ane ko,
zikr jab ched dega koi mehfil me humara,
chale jaoge tanhai me aansoo bahane ko…

Kuch dost zindagi me is kadar samil ho jate
he.Agar bhulana chaho to or yad aate he
bas jate he wo dil me is kadar ki
aankhe band karo to samne nazar ate he…

Waqt mile to hamein bhi yaad kar lena
pal pal na sahi din mein ek bar yaad kar lena
dost honge aap ke hazaar par
ham bhi un mien se ek hain itna yaad kar lena..

Dosti ki raho mai kabhi akelapan na mile,
aai dost zindagi mai tumhe kabhi gum na mile,
dua karte hai hum khuda se,
tuhme jo bhi dost mile hum se kam na mile…

Khushi Ke Aasu Rukne Na Dena
Gum Ke Aasu Bahne Na Dena
Yeh Zindagi Na Jane Kab Ruk Jayegi
Magar Ye Pyari Si Relationsip Kabhi Tutne Na Dena…

Duriya hote huye bhi safar vahi rahega,
Door hote huye bhi dostana vahi rahega,
Bahot mushkil he ye safar zindgi ka,
Agar aapka sath hoga to ehesas vahi rahega…

Jo dil ke karib hi nahi saanso me base ho,
Dost sache agar sath ho to roya nahi karte.
Jo ho jeene ki wajah vo har pal yaad aate hai,
Gum me bhi sukun de ese doston ko khoya nahi karte…

Is kadar hum yaar ko manane nikle,
Uski chahat ke hum deewane nikle,
Jab bhi use dil ka haal batana chaha,
To uske hothon se waqt na hone ke bahane nikle…  

Doston ki dosti hamain raas bahut Aai,
zindagi hamari khuli kitaab najar Aai,
sb padh liye sabak us kitaab mai se,
zindagi mai Mout ki, Aadhuri pyaas najar Aai…